Baby Showers Can Be as Depressing as Funerals Sometimes

                Well, here I am 6 months along in my pregnancy and I still have lots of "I can't believe it's real" moments.  But I know it is real so I am preparing a nursery and getting ready for our baby boy's arrival.  I am also getting ready for the upcoming baby showers my friends and family are throwing for me.  While I am excited to gather with women I love to celebrate the impending arrival of my little miracle, I can't help but remember what baby showers felt like during the 3 years Steve and I were still struggling to get pregnant. 
                Before we decided to start our journey to becoming parents, I used to LOVE baby showers.  I loved the finger foods, loved the cute decorations, loved (and was weirdly competitive about) the cheesy little games, and I loved seeing all the cute presents that my friends who were moms-to-be received for their babies.  But then I started trying to become a mom myself and I guess you could say I "lost that lovin' feeling" when it came to baby showers.  Instead of being an occasion of joy to celebrate a friend, baby showers turned into depressing reminders of the months I had unsuccessfully spent trying to become a mom. 

              If you have never struggled on the road to motherhood, trust me when I tell you that baby showers can be as depressing as funerals sometimes.  I can't help but think of friends of mine who are currently trying to get pregnant who will come to one of my baby showers because they love me but will be struggling with their own emotions the entire time they are there.  I know there were a few occasions I couldn't even bring myself to go to a baby shower and women who are struggling with the same feelings need to hear that's ok.  It's ok to be mad or sad and to choose not to put yourself through the hullabaloo of a baby shower if you just can't bring yourself to do it.  Know that there are others out there who are struggling with those same feelings.  It doesn't make you a bad person...it makes you human.

Christmas 2010 and beyond

            Well, I’ve literally set a reminder every few days on my phone for about a month now to make a post on the blog.  Anyone else feel like time just flies by during the Christmas season and then when school gets going again for 2^nd semester?!  If not, forgive me…this crazy schedule I call life got a little overwhelming there for awhile ;). 

I guess the thing that’s most on my mind to share today is that this last month has brought about completely different emotions from the last few years.  Here’s why…

Christmas 2010 – Found out I was pregnant for the first time after almost 1 ½ years of trying.  Elated would be an understatement; however, if you’ve read my blog for awhile you know that Steve and I, unfortunately, lost that baby through a miscarriage shortly thereafter.

January 14, 2011 – The day I lost our first baby…I felt like my world was falling apart.  I dealt with the physical pain and shock of it all, cried a lot, and leaned on those close to me for support.  No matter how you slice it, that day was awful but I know that it was all a part of my journey and I am a better person because of it.

Christmas 2011 – For weeks, I literally dreaded how I would feel waking up on Christmas morning.  Who dreads waking up on Christmas morning?  I didn’t know how I would feel since the joy I felt just a year earlier had been taken away and we were left trying to get pregnant again without success during 2011.  Surprisingly, I woke up that morning and was able to enjoy Christmas without much disappointment or sadness.  God gave me a total sense of peace and I was reminded to celebrate all the good things I have in my life while waiting on His timing for our future little one(s).

January 14, 2012 – Similar to Christmas 2011, I again dreaded the emotions I might experience on this day.  Steve knew I was dreading this day on the calendar so he didn’t plan anything but to be there for what I needed or wanted to do (if you know my husband, you know he can’t just “relax” for a whole day very often so this meant a lot to me).  We woke up and spent a relaxing morning at home before we decided to go check out what would end up being my new vehicle.  Seemed like an odd task to take on for the day, but it was a day like any other as I reminded myself that life goes on and there is a reason for everything that happens.  I thought a lot that day about the baby we lost one year earlier but I also thought a lot about what our future might hold.  I knew God had a plan for us…we were just waiting to see it unfold.

Christmas 2012 – Wow…what a difference a year can make.  I woke up on Christmas morning celebrating the fact that I was officially 20 weeks pregnant.  Due to a schedule change that opened up an appointment for us on Christmas Eve morning at my OBGYN’s office, this year we got to see the details of our growing baby through the ultrasound and even got to find out we were having a baby boy as an early Christmas present :).  Surprising our families with the news made everything seem all the more real and this year I couldn’t help but think about the fact that we’ll be a family of 3 next Christmas morning.

And, finally, TODAY… January 14, 2013 – Exactly 4 months until my due date, I am actually becoming slightly overwhelmed at all the next few months hold as we prepare for our little man to arrive.  But right along with all those overwhelming feelings is the more and more real feeling that my dream of becoming a mommy is finally going to come true…and for that, I am beyond grateful.  I will never, ever forget the journey that Steve and I have taken to get here or the baby that we lost 2 years ago today, but I look forward to the next step in our lives and I hope to continue helping other women and men out there who have traveled or will travel a similar journey to mine.