A desire that follows me around the world

                Well, I'm back from a vacation to the Riviera Maya with my husband feeling refreshed and renewed :).  Oh, and still wanting to be a mom just as much as ever.  No matter where we are in the world or what we're doing, it still seems that thoughts of a baby pop up constantly.  When I ate something I knew I wasn't supposed to (hey, it was a vacation after all), felt a cramp in my stomach, saw a cute kid walk by...etc, etc...I was once again reminded of our continued journey to become parents.  And having Steve 24 hours a day for 6 days with no other distractions even enhanced those thoughts because it gave us the chance to reflect on what's been going on more.  As much as I sometimes wish I could just take a mental detour from this road I'm traveling, I don't think it would be possible to take a break from something your heart desires so much.  It's a desire that permeates everything I do.  And if my desire is that great, I realize that when my prayers are answered it will probably result in unspeakable joy that I can't even fathom right now.  So my prayer today is for all of you who are also trying to become mommies and daddies - that you would experience unspeakable joy sooner rather than later :).

Will you share your story?

                Calling all ladies (and gentlemen if you would like to share) who have struggled with or are currently struggling with infertility or miscarriage: would you be willing to share your story?  When I initially started this blog, I wrote that part of my desire was to be able to share the stories of other amazing women who have struggled on the road to motherhood as well.  If you are willing to share your story, please email me at jealousoffertilemyrtle@gmail.com.  I would love for you to type your story up in your own words (it is your story, after all...who could tell it better?) or I would be happy to give you some questions if it would be easier for you to share in a Q&A format.  I think it's important for us to share our stories - it helps us cope and heal as we travel forward along our paths in life.  A friend of mine (who has inspired comments several times here on the blog already...she's just kind of that amazing!) sent me the following picture from her daily inspirational calendar yesterday:

"Friends are an important part of sharing the burden and worry of each day"...I hope that by you sharing your story with me and anyone else who reads this blog, we can create a community of friends to share the burden together :). 

Ovary for 63 points

                This is definitely not a serious post on a serious matter, but I couldn't resist sharing it :P.  Check out the picture of one of my most recent Words With Friends moves against my uncle.  Yes, I played ovary...and I got 63 points for it!  Not even close to my highest point word ever (that title belongs to jeez for over 126 points because of a TL, TW, and the j also playing on another word), but I found this whole move funny considering it took me only a couple seconds to realize I had the letters to spell ovary.  Maybe it's because my mind is constantly thinking about babies, ovaries, etc.  And while that can be overwhelming, I guess it worked out in my favor this time.  So watch out, Uncle J - my ovaries and I are going to take you down this game ;).

Oh, how He loves us :)

                I've recently started a new bible study with some work friends (and some new friends I'm excited to get to know) - Jennifer Rothschild's Fingerprints of God.  Though only a few days in, the study is already providing me once again with affirmation of a valuable lesson I think everyone needs to be reminded of sometimes: no matter the discouragement I face along life's journey, God sees, loves, and values me... He knows my circumstances and walks with me...He desires for me to come to Him for comfort in troubling times because He honors and values me.  Throughout this journey of infertility and miscarriage thus far, I sometimes find myself forgetting to turn to God when I should be relying on Him the most.  I should be heartily praying to be blessed with a child, but instead I've found myself at times forgetting to pray at all.  I feel like I've got my rain boots on and I'm trudging through the mud by myself, often forgetting that God desires to carry me until we reach the drier land on the other side of this storm.  While I continue "doing my part toward my miracle," I also need to remember to always seek God throughout my journey.  I need to remember that He loves me and walks alongside me during each hope and each heartbreak.  If you are reading this, I pray that you too realize that God sees, loves, and values YOU...He knows your circumstances and walks with YOU...He desires for you to come to Him for comfort in troubling times because He honors and values YOU.  Whether yours is a journey along a rough road to motherhood like mine or a journey along a completely different path, I pray that you always remember the truth of God's love for YOU and take comfort in His presence as you weather the bumps ahead.

"Coming Soon" to a blogger near you...

                Addressing a topic I raised in my last blog post: what's up next for doing my part toward my miracle?  I mentioned that I would share more about my "coming soon" interventions that I discussed with my OBGYN at an appointment earlier this month, so here goes.  As many of you know, thus far Steve and I have very much preferred to follow the most natural fertility interventions that we could.  I've done acupuncture, seen several natural health practitioners, and taken several supplements on a regular basis (technically some of these have been prescription meds to get the dosage I needed, but they were all still based on natural compounds).  All of this was done, and continues to be done, in an effort to get my body in balance so that my fertility would increase.  And since I was able to get pregnant once doing only natural interventions, we have been hopeful that those interventions would work again.  Unfortunately, we've not yet been successful in getting pregnant again in the last year and a half.  That was the reason I agreed to start taking Clomid in January of this year and began discussing more interventions with my OBGYN.  I haven't lost faith that natural interventions are helpful and can work, but after relying solely on natural interventions for another year without another pregnancy we are also considering some of the more basic interventions that modern medicine has to offer in an effort to increase our chances of having a baby soon.   
                So far, the Clomid has been a mixed bag for us.  For those of you unfamiliar with what Clomid (clomephine citrate if you want to sound fancy) is, it is a fertility drug that is used to stimulate a stronger ovulation in a woman's body.  I have not had any noteworthy negative side effects since starting on Clomid (yay) and it seemed to work very well the first couple months I was on it; however, the next couple months showed a reduced effectiveness in my body's response to the drug (AKA - my eggs weren't getting all amped up anymore like they were when they first met this mysterious Clomid creature).  So during the month of May we doubled my dose of Clomid in hopes that my body would respond again.  It seems to have helped, although it still didn't quite give the effect that my body initially responded with.  But because I did show improvement, I've decided to try another month at this higher dose before taking the interventions to the next level (might as well give it a shot a couple months in a row...after all, Rome wasn't built in a day, right?).  We're also getting Steve tested again just to be sure that everything is still good in that department.  And then next up for me is probably a laparoscopy with a tubal dye perfusion (and possible ovarian drilling...I have to do more research on this one) sometime this summer.  I'll be sure to share more details with you when we get there.
                After the interventions mentioned above, my OBGYN has said she would refer us to a fertility clinic when Steve and I are ready for that step.  I guess when we feel the time is right we will probably see what a fertility clinic has to say.  To be honest, right now we're really on the fence about most options a fertility clinic would be able to offer us.  We're still young and not yet in danger of "running out of time" so to speak, but we are also anxious to become parents.  It's a balancing act and we'll be trying to figure out what's best for us in the coming months.  Tough decisions will require lots of thinking and lots of praying...asking God to reveal for us what path He wants us to take to experience the miracle of becoming parents.  We'll see what the road holds ahead.  For now, we're taking it (cue music) "one step at a time, there's no need to rush...it's like learning to fly or falling in love...it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen..."  And now I really hope you have that Jordin Sparks' song running through your head because it has a great message!  I'll tell you like I tell my students when they complain I've gotten a song stuck in their head: must mean I'm doing a great job at being a music teacher ;).