I guess the thing that’s most on my
mind to share today is that this last month has brought about completely
different emotions from the last few years.
Here’s why…
Christmas 2010 – Found out I was pregnant for the first time
after almost 1 ½ years of trying. Elated
would be an understatement; however, if you’ve read my blog for awhile you know
that Steve and I, unfortunately, lost that baby through a miscarriage shortly
thereafter.
January 14, 2011 – The day I lost our first baby…I felt like
my world was falling apart. I dealt with
the physical pain and shock of it all, cried a lot, and leaned on those close
to me for support. No matter how you
slice it, that day was awful but I know that it was all a part of my journey
and I am a better person because of it.
Christmas 2011 – For weeks, I literally dreaded how I would
feel waking up on Christmas morning. Who
dreads waking up on Christmas morning? I
didn’t know how I would feel since the joy I felt just a year earlier had been
taken away and we were left trying to get pregnant again without success during
2011. Surprisingly, I woke up that
morning and was able to enjoy Christmas without much disappointment or
sadness. God gave me a total sense of
peace and I was reminded to celebrate all the good things I have in my life
while waiting on His timing for our future little one(s).
January 14, 2012 – Similar to Christmas 2011, I again
dreaded the emotions I might experience on this day. Steve knew I was dreading this day on the
calendar so he didn’t plan anything but to be there for what I needed or wanted
to do (if you know my husband, you know he can’t just “relax” for a whole day
very often so this meant a lot to me).
We woke up and spent a relaxing morning at home before we decided to go
check out what would end up being my new vehicle. Seemed like an odd task to take on for the
day, but it was a day like any other as I reminded myself that life goes on and
there is a reason for everything that happens.
I thought a lot that day about the baby we lost one year earlier but I
also thought a lot about what our future might hold. I knew God had a plan for us…we were just
waiting to see it unfold.
Christmas 2012 – Wow…what a difference a year can make. I woke up on Christmas morning celebrating the
fact that I was officially 20 weeks pregnant.
Due to a schedule change that opened up an appointment for us on
Christmas Eve morning at my OBGYN’s office, this year we got to see the details
of our growing baby through the ultrasound and even got to find out we were
having a baby boy as an early Christmas present :). Surprising our families with the news made
everything seem all the more real and this year I couldn’t help but think about
the fact that we’ll be a family of 3 next Christmas morning.And, finally, TODAY… January 14, 2013 – Exactly 4 months until my due date, I am actually becoming slightly overwhelmed at all the next few months hold as we prepare for our little man to arrive. But right along with all those overwhelming feelings is the more and more real feeling that my dream of becoming a mommy is finally going to come true…and for that, I am beyond grateful. I will never, ever forget the journey that Steve and I have taken to get here or the baby that we lost 2 years ago today, but I look forward to the next step in our lives and I hope to continue helping other women and men out there who have traveled or will travel a similar journey to mine.
