Can you grieve a process?

                Turns out the answer is yes.  As I was voicing my frustration to a friend a few months ago, she shared some wise thoughts (as she often does...seriously, I should start paying her!) about grieving the process of what I thought having kids would be like.  We were talking about me not yet knowing how I felt about all the different avenues to becoming a parent that might be in the future for me and Steve...continued natural interventions and fertility drugs, seeing a fertility specialist for more invasive treatments, looking into adoption...  I think every prospective parent needs to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with at that time along their journey to becoming parents, and I was really torn as to where my heart was headed as a "next step" in our journey.  Then, in her seemingly infinite wisdom, my friend told me I probably needed to allow myself time to grieve the process of what I thought becoming a parent would be like before I was able to move on to a different step. 
                Grieve the process?  I know I grieved the loss of my first pregnancy, but I had never thought of dealing with the rocky road I've traveled on my way to motherhood as grieving.  But it is a form of grieving...it's mourning the easy path I thought I would be able to take to motherhood and realizing that God had a different plan for my life.  Let's be honest, when most of us are ready to become parents we think we can plan the time it's going to happen and that all those fertility issues won't happen to us.  Well, when they do happen it is a devastating loss.  A loss that at times leaves you feeling inadequate...a loss that constantly has you wondering "why me?"  So you have to grieve the loss of that process you thought you'd be able to follow to becoming a mommy or a daddy.  You have to let go of "the way things should have been" and accept what they are so that you can make the best decisions possible for your future family.  Thank you, my incredible friend, for helping me process through this journey by listening and giving me such great wisdom over and over again.
                If you think about it, please say a few prayers for this dear friend of mine because she is facing her own grieving right now.  She and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for approximately a year and she struggles with known health problems in her reproductive region.  Recently, when she went to a fertility doctor, she was given the harsh reality that she does not have all the options that most women trying to become mothers might have due to her existing health conditions.  So she either has to "go big or go home" a lot sooner than she imagined it might be...a frustration as she grieves the intermediate steps she thought she might be able to take on her path to motherhood.