"I'm pregnant" might as well be a four letter word

                "I'm pregnant...I'm pregnant...I'm pregnant...I'm pregnant...I'm pregnant."  Five times in four days - that's how often a dear friend of mine who has been having some fertility issues of her own heard those words recently.  They might as well have just said "@%#*!$" to her face...it probably would have hurt less.  No matter how happy you want to be for your friend who shares her exciting news with you, there is no happiness that can outweigh the heartbreak you feel inside when you hear those words "I'm pregnant" come from someone else's mouth.  It's like you and your friend trying out for cheerleading (hey, it's a sport!) and finding out she made the squad and you didn't.  You've practiced for months, had a private coach, and thought of nothing else but still you just didn't make the cut.  It's not your time...maybe next year...maybe never?  But, hopefully, you persevere in your training and hold on to faith that one day you will reach your goal.
                Over the last couple of years, I've had to struggle with my feelings every time a friend of mine tells me that she's pregnant.  I'm happy for those ladies (because I definitely don't wish the experiences of infertility or miscarriage on them), but it's tough to be happy when it comes at the expense of your own pain.  And boy does it make it worse when you hear things like "we weren't even trying" or "it was an accident".  An accident...really?!  What I wouldn't give to be in a fertile accident!  It's tough to hear that someone else just fell into a spot on the squad when you've been preparing for months and still haven't made it.  But then there are the other times that have served as a reminder of what a blessing some friends can be.  I am so appreciative of those friends who know what I've been through and have been incredibly sensitive in sharing their pregnancy news with me.  And honestly, the nearest and dearest of those friends to me, haven't expected me to be happy for them (even though a part of me usually is).  They know it hurts for me to hear that news so they cry with me and love on me if I need it.  And if I don't need it at that moment, I know they'll be there when I do.  Christ has allowed his light to shine brightly through some amazing women...some amazing mothers...in my life and I thank them daily for their support and love. 
                "I'm pregnant."  It's hard hearing those words from others when your own road to motherhood has been a struggle, but it's a reality that we all must face nonetheless.  If you've heard those words recently and are having a hard time with them, talk it out with someone.  Trust me when I tell you that there is a friend out there who won't judge you when you just want to vent about those feelings.  And if you don't feel like you have someone you can share those frustrated feelings with, email me at jealousoffertilemyrtle@gmail.com.  I promise not to judge how you're feeling - I promise to be an encouragement - I promise to support you the best I can during your hard times.