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            Can I just be honest that sometimes God confuses me? Do you think less of me because I said that? I think people are often afraid to share those thoughts...afraid that it will make their faith seem weak or that they won't look as "holy" in the eyes of others. Well, look at me as you must today because I admit it - I'm confused. I'm confused about why God continues to allow this journey to motherhood to be so hard for me. On one hand, I know that He is using this bumpy road to help mature my faith and reach out to others. Just last week, He blessed me with the opportunity to be there for a good friend who was dealing with her own miscarriage (and I do count that as a true blessing); however, thinking about the fact that this road continues to endure for me and Steve and how long it might last still confuses me. I'm confused about why my body seems to have become more uncooperative lately. Aunt Flo has become fickle and I've had weird pains that I haven't experienced before. But I also realize that these new symptoms should allow me to qualify for my insurance company to cover the cost of a laparoscopy that my doctor and I discussed to verify we haven't missed any structural issues in my body. So I think the symptoms were a blessing in disguise...they've allowed me to more easily take a step forward in my journey, but experiencing them has been confusing and frustrating nonetheless. I'm confused when I hear of people "accidentally" getting pregnant. Why is it that they can fall backwards into something without even looking and I can't even get there with guidebooks, a navigation system, and a determination that would stand up to just about anything? I'll be honest...on this one I still haven't come across anything to ease my feelings of confusion.
            So that's the raw truth today, my friends - I'm confused. But I'm strong in my faith and a little confusion is not going to shake who I know God to be. I think it's ok that we are confused or have questions sometimes. Experiencing feelings of confusion doesn't shake my faith that He does has a plan for me and that His plan is far better than one I could come up with on my own (even if I am a pretty excellent planner in most areas of my life ;) ). Experiencing feelings of confusion means I'm human - imperfect and impatient. And I'm pretty sure that Jesus came down to Earth to give faith and hope to us imperfect and impatient humans by bridging a gap we would never be able to bridge on our own...