Make a difference

                Yesterday was Make a Difference Day 2012...and I missed it.  I planned on spending time this weekend writing another post for the blog (as I do roughly every week), but in honor of Make a Difference Day today I've decided to do something a little different.  Yes, I know I'm a day late but it's better than never!  Today I am spending the time I planned on trying to write an entry on sending encouraging emails to several wonderful ladies who, as a result of this blog, have confided in me regarding their fertility struggles.  Remember that it doesn't take some big event to make a difference in someone's life...sometimes all you have to do is remind them that you care.  Hope everyone is able to make a difference for someone else this week :).

Random thoughts from this past week...

Thought #1: Don't forget that good friends are a gift through the struggles of life.

                I recently had dinner with a friend that led into a conversation I wasn't expecting (I'll call her X to make this retelling easier).  X shared with me her total frustration about another dinner we were at a few weeks prior with a group of people and wanted to apologize to me for comments made by the others.  I can assure you that X did not make any comments at our group dinner that she needed to apologize for, but she felt like the others who dined with us on that particular occasion were being insensitive about my fertility situation...and to be honest, so did I but often times it's hard to say something.  I know people mean well, but sometimes they just don't realize that what they are saying is hurtful or, at the very least, not at all helpful.  And that goes for people struggling with fertility or any other issue out there.  But X's kind thoughts when we got together again (just the two of us) was a wonderful reminder of the blessing of friends.  No one is perfect and everyone is going to do something that hurts someone else's feelings sometime, but if you surround yourself with good people you will always have someone there to help pick you up when you are down.  So don't ever forget that your friends are a gift...and always try to return that gift to them :).

Thought #2: Students sure can make you feel awkward sometimes.

                I can't tell you how many times in the last few years students of mine have asked if I have any kids yet.  Innocent enough question, but when I say no it has led down two different paths: 1. they quit talking about it because their curiosity has been fulfilled OR 2. they begin to tell me why they think I should have kids.  In light of my journey thus far, I probably don't need to elaborate on how awkward I feel standing there listening to a 10 year old who chooses to go down path #2...

Au naturel

                I've talked a bit on here about acupuncture and its benefits for women and men who struggle with infertility issues.  I've also shared about the dietary guidelines I follow.  Today I want to talk about a couple of the other natural medical approaches I've tried in conjunction with these two things.  I know it is every person's choice what they feel comfortable trying and not trying when they are traveling down the road of becoming mommy or daddy.  While I have done some of the basics of what modern medicine suggests, I have preferred to explore pretty much all the avenues of natural medicine that I can before looking into some of the more invasive fertility treatments that modern medicine has to offer.  As the child of someone who emphasizes natural medical paths in her own practice (remember Julie Penick, DNP, PhD, ThD, FNP, MSN...and my mom?), I have learned so much about what the human body is able to do on its own if we do the things we need to do naturally to support it in the right way.  For me personally, I have explored natural treatments as much as I can so that I could give my body every opportunity to work as it was intended to work in the first place.  So, here are a couple other natural treatments I have explored:

1. Enzyme therapy...prescribed by that crazy lady that I call my mother :).  While we have changed the different enzymes that I have taken over the years based on new research and methods my mom learns about, I have always been taking something to help support my body.  Currently I swallow 41 pills/tablets/capsules a day between what my mom has me taking and the Chinese herb my acupuncturist has me taking.  I get a good half of my water intake for the day just when I'm taking my enzymes alone!  While it may seem like a lot, each of those supplements (those 41 capsules are from 11 different supplements) has a purpose and it's worth the few minutes it takes each day to swallow them down. 

2. Chiropractic work.  About 6 months ago, I went to see a chiropractor who specializes in helping people with non-typical issues.  He noticed my alignment was way off and that it was causing a lot of pressure in the area of my reproductive organs.  He did some adjusting a few times and my body finally seemed to be holding the adjustments so, as far as I know, my alignment is still good and the pressure has been relieved.

Lacey's story

                While I have thus far been spreading out the posting of stories shared with me by others, this time you're getting two stories of incredible women who I know and love back to back.  Last week I had the honor of sharing Laura's story and today I have the honor of sharing Lacey's story.  Lacey suffered the loss of her first pregnancy two years ago today and I received her story ready to share because she felt a strong urge to share it now as she reflected on what happened two years ago.  I believe if she feels a strong urge to share her story today that means someone out there needs to read it today.  So no waiting on this one - another beautiful story of strength and courage through loss from another amazing woman.  Lacey - thank you for following your heart and sharing your story so that others may be helped by your words.

                After 5 years of marriage, Joe and I felt we were ready to start a family. We started out in early 2010 with me stopping birth control pills and "trying". We were thrilled when, within only a few months, we were pregnant! I was beyond excited. I didn't want to tell a lot of people early on, but I shared the news with close friends and family by about the sixth week. I saw a midwife for the first time at eight weeks, had blood work done, peed in a cup, etc. Everything seemed to be progressing normally.

                I went back at twelve weeks for a regular appointment and the midwife listened for the heartbeat with a doppler. Joe was with me and we listened nervously, anxious to hear our baby's thumping little heart for the first time. (I remember early that morning having had some pretty uncomfortable cramping, but passed it off as those early pregnancy pains that I'd read one might experience.) We listened and listened, moving the doppler here and there. After several long, anxious moments, the midwife said she'd like to send us over to the ultrasound tech to get a good listen and look. For a few seconds, we were really excited - an unplanned view at our tiny baby! Then, it set in that things might not be okay. My emotions were all over the place!

                Our lives changed instantly when, in only a few seconds, the tech said, "I'm sorry guys. There is no heartbeat." There are not words to describe the immediate overwhelming grief I felt. Simply no words. It was a feeling deep in my soul of utter sadness. Joe held my hand and we cried. There was nothing else to do but to cry and pray.

                After a few minutes, we went back in to see the midwife and she explained our options. We could go home and wait for the miscarriage to complete itself. I had visions of sitting around for days or weeks waiting for nature to take its course. I wasn't sure I could carry on that way. The other option was to take some medicine to help my body along. We went with this option as it seemed like the "easiest" route to get through this.

                It was far from easy. The following 24 hours were the most painful, emotional, heart-wrenching moments of the entire experience. By late that night heavy cramping and bleeding began. It was a pain I imagined was equivalent to labor. Horrific, excruciating pain. Joe stayed by my side, holding my hand and being my nurse. We made it through a long, unpleasant night together.

                The days following were spent at home, talking to my mom, sister, and girlfriends on the phone. I was feeling like my life would never be happy again. I was pretty sure that I would never recover from the experience.

                That was October 4, 2010. Today is two-years since we lost our first baby. While I'm still deeply sad that we never met him or her, I am comforted by the fact that I can hold and snuggle our sweet, incredible nine-month-old daughter Mallory. It took my body six months to return to normal and several more months for us to get pregnant with her. My pregnancy was filled with the worry that miscarriage could happen again. It took me until about the middle of my pregnancy to feel that it was really going to "stick" this time. Holding Mallory for the first made that horrific day a more distant memory. As I rocked her to sleep last night, I whispered to her, "You are the reason God brought us through that awful day two years ago. He knew we needed YOU."

                For those who have experienced a miscarriage or have difficulty becoming parents, it is no consolation to hear that it will happen for them eventually. But, I know one thing for sure. There is purpose behind the journey we take. Though that purpose may not be clear yet, there will come a time when clarity sets in. Keep the faith.

                If anyone else would be willing to share your story, please email me at jealousoffertilemyrtle@gmail.com.